my biggest dream.

well, i just settled down with my everything. came back from my training with freddy. crazy i tell you. swim abit then run for a while can kill me already. what about the real thing man. i'll just drop dead!

anyway, while walking to the toilet to bathe, i was talking to freddy about things, like training and stuff, suddenly he tells me he wants to be in the national cycling team when he grows up. out of nowhere, something just zoomed into my mind. i told him, i want to make milions, take the money, buy a yacht. a medium sized one, where i can sleep comfortably, walk around comfortably, have meals, sleep nicely. a cosy refuge out at sea, i call home. i want it to be so nicely designed. the yacht's hull has a part where is made of bulltet-proof glass, to view the underwater scenery, that is when i'm not diving under. the back of the yacht has a open area, meant to be a wet area, for diving purposes. a shower with it too. inside, air-conditioned, funrnished to perfection. a air compressor, to fill up my tank's air, everything is there, along with my scuba equipment.

i want to bring it all around the world, experience the waters i have never seen. to every part of the world. that will be how i'll spend my life in the future. that's my biggest dream. though its abit impossible, the difficulty so high, i hope it will be made real one day. one day i hope. and, i also wish, there will be a partner, who believes in my dream, sharing this dream of mine, and together, we set out on our life-log journey, just the two of us, and the big ocean. i so very pray.

as to now, i just want to study hard for my Os. to put in 100% ffort into the shit. another small step to my dream.

"what's with life," i say.- me

the next 4 weeks.

study. study. mug mug. for my prelims which comes in four weeks. so little time. i just realised it. it scares me that time passes so fast. i rememeber, when i was in sec 3, i was still talking my senior, telling him four weeks still very long. i now understand his problems, as its mine now. how many hours into the night. how many hours. can i really put down all the distractions, just concentrating on my work? i don't know, my friend. there's just so many things to weigh me down.

i just hope, after the triathlon, i would be able to really put in 100% effort into my studies. even then, it will be quite late. but better laste than never they say. i really hope, my friend.

later, going to east coast park, for some training. a run and a swim. biking perhaps. but most likely not. i've made up my mind, not to tell her. no one else. yeah. that will remain with me.

nothing else to say today.

my chinese o level result.

i feel so dejected. i feel so helpless. i feel so usless.

i just want to run away my life. its becoming more hell like. i had put in so much effort, just that i am more intellectually challenged, i get such a result. the wrold doesn't give you back what you deserve.

a terrible b3 i had. the teacher came in during reccess, looking furious. he then shouted in chinese, " you all. this class is the worst class. having four failures and only two distinctions! even j class also did better." upon hearing the news, you could see the faces, dejected, disappointed. some already on the brink of tears. i think, we just held it back. one by one, the class came out, looking at the result, signing it. how i wished, i didn't pick up the pen to sign, to verify. i want to run away from it.

all i needed was a distinction. how difficult could it get. why can;t you guys just give it to me. stupid RI students. how i hope they would just die off, giving us poor folks some chnace in getting better grades. its because of you bastards, you clever bastards that i'm getting these shit results. die.

prelims are in 4 weeks. chinese have to be retaken. whcih means studying for chinese starts agian. more time, so much time wasted on it. i just want to be with the sea now, just the sea waves and me, together with my scuba equipment. just diving. how i wished. now, everyone seeing the grim reality of the o levels. hadn't it been said that it was going to be easy? why. why.

i'm now listening to the song by jay chou, wai po. realised its relating to me. i'm not disappointed because i lost. its because i let my parents down. i just need someone to motivate me. someone that cares and i care for. someone i already wished for. you only need love to understand.

can a person future be really determined by his results? what if he just can't show them. he's dead in the world. the world is just too evil. i want to escape from it all. help me. help me.

evil's the word to describe us. the describe the world. pain is the word to describe the people. make sense? it doesn't.- me

nemos!

my dive trip. forgot to metion about them. so many cute nemo-s!

there are just so many of them! all of them coming out of their sea anemone house, looking at me, with their tiny black eyes, with so much curiousity. maybe they are just wondering what the hell is this thing doing here?! i wanted to touch them, but, haha, the sting from the anemone just said no. so small! the strange thing is, they are just like humans. they stay together as a family, fending off predators like me *grins* . i saw s single parent nemo, a dad probably portecting its child. real nice. there was another one, family of three, parents and child. so cute!

haha. enough with them. the barracudas were the best thing. a whole school of them. swimming past me. i'm just entranced by them, their stripes, their big eyes, the whole school of them. amazing. *bows to them*

school was a total dump. want to go back diving. haha. damn. chinese o level result coming up tomorrow. shit myself balless. *prays*

the barracudas. a amazing specices. perfect. barracudas forever.- us

the village......

yep. the village. the show that got everyone's tongue going. you have to agree, night, the director, sure has his way of making movies. one of a kind, you have to agree man. the show, suddenly got a scence that comes out of nowhere, makes you feel that woah. where did this come from. but, its also a bit lame la. night could improve on it though. no further comments.

anyway. when everyone's keeping mum, let me tell you something. don't always trust the people you respect. they may be the ones that decieve you. and sometimes, things are just on the surface. these are two morals i got out of the movie. *grins* moral of the movie. haha

she dresses well la. no doubt about that. haha. i'm still feeling drowsy, blur blur. maybe its the side effect of having too much ramily burgers, or taking in too much compressed air, or maybe its nitrogen narcosis from the deep dive i made, or it could just be me being tired out.

i just want go diving again. i wanna conquer tioman! with a rescue certification. *smiles*

join your tears with love.- windstruck ost

diving buddies..

i just came back from my dive trip yesterday. went to pulau tioman, somewhere in the west of malaysia. an offshore island. its a beautiful place. clear waters. nice, sandy beaches. smell of bbq food. and not forgetting, ramily burgers. haha.

i went with 9 other strangers. we became friends, good friends. talking, laughing, joking smiling, with each other on the boat. its as if we known each other for so long. made a particular friend, who's called calvin. he and i just click i suppose, talk and talk. haha. the trip there was terrible. 4 hours bus ride to mersng jetty, then another choppy 4 hours on the boat. that made me really terrible, as the waves just rocked the boat too much. we reached tioman at 4 plus in the morning on saturday. slept for 3 hours before we woke up for breakfast. it was fried bee hoon and tua tao mee without the tua tao. haha! but, it was nice though. we rushed to the jetty, jumped onto the dive boat, and geared up for our first dive. a 20 minuts boat ride, and we reached the first destination. DIVED! ater was too cold la. otherwise it woulde be perfect. the day, spent just on diving, and eating. getting too lazy already. haha. completed my night dive. which contributed to my certification of my advance. next day, deep dive first. all the way to 30 metres. water too cold. 25 degress. FREEZING! haha. dive and dive and dive. eat and eat and eat. the itinery for the three days i was there. cool right. yep! want to do that again, soon i hope.

i love all the people i went with. great memories they provided! hope i can see them soon, or better, dive with them again.

diving, no words can be expressed about the sport.- me